Things to Do Before I Die

Well, it seems like image hotel mysteriously vanished, taking my artwork with it. I’ll be looking for a more reliable service within the next few days, and I’ll try to set up my artwork in a more organizable fasion. Until then, I want to grace you all with my big list of things I plan on doing before I die.

First off, there are too many people on this planet. Perhaps the Utopian Revolution will clean things up a bit. I feel this world should only support three billion human citizens at a time at most. I don’t care if we ship the excess of into the sun, or secretly start a genetic disease that only effects dullards, turning them into flesh eating zombies to take chunks out of the population. Let’s just get it done, and get it done quickly, and stop crying over it. Personally, I think we should screen people, and if they don’t pass a series of medical tests, IQ tests, and a few surveys of common sense, they have their right to breed taken away from them.

Secondly, drugs are for the dumb. My goal is to remove drugs and smoking from society. Cigarrettes are one of the leading sources of pissing me off, and for that, a warning sticker just won’t do. Here’s the best solution. Genetics. In fact, for cigarettes, it is even easier. All you need to do is add a little more cyanide to each pack of cigarettes. In fact, make the whole thing out of it. Put a warning label on it that states “These cigarrettes will kill you instantly.” It won’t stop people.
As for drugs, I think you’ve all had enough. I especially hate those who try and tell themselves that marijuana is not a drug. Are you retarded? Go live underground in the sewers and never expose yourself to the sky again you stupid hippy. Stop trying to legalize it, nobody cares about your bullshit. Genetics will solve this problem. Before I die, I will fund a research team to develope a virus that only affects the marijuana plant. It will be carried by animals, plants, and humans, but it can only do any harm to everyone’s favorite idiot snack. The virus will be carried in the minerals in dirt, in water, and in the air. It won’t bother anybody, except all you poor looser stoners. Go pick some flowers and get over it, moron.

Some people think hip-hop has culture. Others listen to their crappy two toned vivalvi ring tones. And then there is the punk community. Let’s clean this crap up, okay? Stop setting your trends by the music you listen to. “Ooooh, I love Emo and Good Charolette, I’m going to invest stock in hot topic and fairy nose peircings!” It’s time for the Gap to fall, and Abrocrombie fans to get sent to concentration camps. “But Lynk, Britney Spears dresses like a saggy slutbag and she’s fasionable!!! LOLZ RLMAO!!!1111” Listen boys and girls, what Avril Lavine wears (despite her hottness) or what Christina Agulara doesn’t wear, means absolutly cat poop. If you want to look like a stuck up, blank, MTV manufactured moron, be my guest, but get out of society, and start your own little colonies in Alabama or something. Nobody cares about your tinted sunglasses, your pink hats, your playboy bunny shit, your cowboy hats, your Tommy Hill purfume, and or whatever else you wear, just so you can match with your rediculous friends. Wear what you want, not because you are an idiot, not because the TV tells you to, but because you want to wear it. Of course, all you little geniuses out there will say “But I dress trendy cuz i want 2 and im so kewl!!!1111 not LMAO!!1111” I hope you die.

Now being the technology loving guy I am, I’m actually somewhat surprised I haven’t gotten into the whole cell phone thing. For people who haven’t been able to educate themselves how to run dos programs on windows XP, there certainly are alot of idiots using cell phones. Cell phones with little flashing lights and neon blue number pads and high resolution screens and crappy low-res cameras and annoying god-forsaken ring tones and those Satan-esque walkie talkie phones. I don’t care how important it is to you to be connected to your next door neighbor and his daughter, it means nothing in the grand scheme of things. You have voicemail, text messaging, mobile email accounts, free nights and weekends, and sweet jesus, you are just so impressive because you pay forty bucks a month just to do it all. My personal favorites are cell phone calls people make when they are on their way home, to tell their insignificant friends that they are, in fact, on their way home. With roaming charges and possibly long distance fees.
The solution? Explosives.
Every cellular phone should have a small pack of explosives inside it. Then, there should be a special extension number you can dial, name your zipcode, and the street you are on, and every active cell phone within a mile’s radius explodes with enough force to disable the cell phone itself, and to perhaps cause slight trauma to the user. For all of the world’s assholes, this also includes the cell phone that you dialed from, just to be fair.

More goals I plan to accomplish before I die include the following:
Work for Pixar
Marry a set of twins, but one of them has to be Asian.
Destroy the system that is Walmart.
Call J-Lo and tell her she is fat, or wipe a booger on her.
Make the TV show “Friends” illegal, and all of MTV
Start a reality show called “Postal”
Personally key the car of anyone who sends me hate mail
Toy around with cannibalism
Construct the world’s largest structure, a megalith palace dedicated to me
Carve my face in the moon with lasers sort of like Mount Rushmore.
Urinate on Snoop Dogg’s grave and call it wizzizzle.
Feed the homeless to the hungry
Turn all public restrooms into private restrooms
Remove the word “dawg” from the english language
Have it publicly known that Rap is not music, but just an advanced form of pointless bragging, and should no longer be released on CD.
Tickle Michael Jackson



Pin It on Pinterest

Your friends would love this.

When you share my content, it helps me get out of bed in the morning, and if I do that, I might make more stuff.