Hygiene IS Important

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Lynk. He had many friends. Their names were Rybo, Silent Mike, and Mr. Jones. There was also another character involved, and his name was Steve. We will get back to why he is not one of Lynk’s friends in just a little bit. Lynk was a fairly easy to live with fellow. He gladly put up with much torment. His friends were for the most part easy to live with. They all had much fun together. Together, they formed the God Quad, an indestructible force, completely balanced, and very powerful. Lynk was the most rational of the Quad. He was there to quell any potential mishaps. He protected his fellow brethren from possible demise with his rationality and common sense. Lynk cared for Rybo, Mike, and Jones very much.

Enter: Steve. Steve is a womanizer. Steve is a hobo. Steve is a home wrecker, a roadblock, and an over all bad human. He taints the God Quad with his evil, problem causing ideology. He deters them to no longer pursue that which is right. Steve is a good example of a black sheep. Steve likes to bring the happiness levels down to critical levels with his tomfoolery.

Lynk is a bit of a neat freak. A clean Quad is a happy Quad. Certain he is not the only one who doesn’t dislike living in their own filth, Lynk likes to keep the Quad tidy. He has very little problem with his own room, as Silent Mike, his roommate, is a very neat and pristine hunk of man. Peace and tranquility usually set the scene in Lynk and Mike’s room. Of course, at times things can get cluttered, and on occasion there could be a frosting war that gets it’s sweet remains immersed into the carpet, but these things happen, and get taken care of with haste.
The common room, on the other hand, is No Man’s Land. In other words, No Man chooses to keep it free of grime and agglutinative unidentified materials. Lynk would really like to keep the common room clean, so it can support a safe, and fun environment for his friends. He gladly worked hard to keep the room clean.
One day, Steve shaved Lynk’s head. That was it. There was no planning, no rational thought, no humanity involved. It was pure carnal violence towards poor Lynk’s beautiful locks.
Surprisingly, Steven’s heart did beat, if only once, for the first time ever. For one moment, he felt guilt for his sinister deed. He and the rest of the Quad promised to keep the room clean, for Lynk’s sake. This lasted about one day. Almost instantly, the room cleanliness quality hit rock bottom. Lynk was not going to give up, and let the evils that Steve initiated on the Quad seep in permanently. Lynk kept after his friends, to get them to clean the room.
Rybo left.
Mr. Jones sat down.
Steve reminded himself mentally that he enjoyed sleeping with girls who have boyfriends and stealing Lynk’s food.
Silent Mike said “…”

So Lynk started to clean up. First it was the garbage can, long since overflowed, filth climbing up the wall, across the floor, into the hallway. Our small waste basket, in the end, filled a 35 gallon garbage bin. By then, Michael was sympathetic, and took out the recycling. Before long, Mr. Jones, enraged and angry at Lynk, although, perhaps because he felt guilt, forced Lynk into his room to write this journal entry, so that Jones could clean the room in peace.

The Aftermath.

Lynk steps out into the common room. He is impressed at first. The carpet appears clean, the garbage is empty, and things have been put into place. With further investigation, however, Lynk is very disappointed. Filth still surrounds the garbage can. Food and crumbs are still caked between sofa cushions, and dirty tissues are still under the futon. While Lynk’s dear friend Mr. Jones did a good job making the room appear clean, his gentle touch was not very detailed. I’m sorry Mr. Jones. It seems the Steve bug has gotten you too. Before you know it, you will have ear rings and sing emo songs and sit on the futon complaining about every drunk girl you took advantage of. You will play guitar, and it will be sad. The only cure for the Steve bug is a railroad spike through the brain. Unfortunately, the side effects for that include headache, eyestrain, upset stomach, leaky anal discharge, and death. So the room looks clean, but is it really?

Honestly, Mr. Jones, I thank you for your work. You make me proud. You are a damn good friend, and you have to put up with a lot.

Silent Michael… I would have more respect for you if you wore a wife beater and a meat cutter’s apron.

Rybo… You pee a lot.

Steve… I hope you tell your shrink what a horrible, malignant bastard your friends think you are. You lousy, good for nothing, emo kid. Why don’t you get your ears pierced again, and start skateboarding and complaining about how your heart is an empty shell made out of water and your life is filled with needles made out of sadness. Gawd.

this was an amazing entry.
really. well done. i laughed. i cried!
no, i didn’t cry. but i laughed.
well done lynk.


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