The Great Florida Adventure

Well Golly!  I’m back!  Confidentially, I’ve been back for two days, but we won’t worry about that.  The following logs have just been uploaded from my Axim’s memory.  They are a little choppy; I either typed them up in the middle of the night in the hotel room or while in the backseat of the van, so bear with me.  Onward!

Travel Log 001


            We barely traveled forty-five minutes south.  Actually, we only got as far as Binghamton before we decided we needed to put a new tire on the van.  By this time my family obviously already irritated me.  A few hours later, at 3pm, we hit the road again.

            Around six or seven we found ourselves at an old diner in Pennsylvania.  Being outlanders in the strange Vania of Pencils, our concept of a non-smoking section had evolved, as public acts of smoking were banned completely from our advanced civilization of Upstate New York.

            After consuming deep fried turkey and gravy with a moldy English muffin, I was ready to go home.  Ah, but this is no more than the first day of the two week excursion.

            At a Red Roof Inn, I tried to watch The Simpson’s, but my parents would not allow it.  They suck.

            Every moment I spend with my family, I realize more and more that my brother is mentally disabled.  The grinning at the air, the crooked hand gestures, and the inability to not make stupid comments about gravity, clouds, and his little Internet girlfriend are all points hinting towards his inactive mind.

            I can’t wait to get home.

            This has been day one.  End Log.

Travel Log 002


            First off, I’m typing these logs on my PDA.  I can’t believe I am naming the files “Travel Log nnn.”  Replace the n’s with a three-digit number that corresponds with the numerical order of these logs.  For example, this one is 002.  I don’t need three digits.  I only need two.  I am not going to be doing this for more than 99 days.

            We got up at 3am and started down the road.  It’s about 3pm now.  We’ve passed South of the Border, which means we are in South Carolina, and almost Georgia.  Only another six or seven hours until Orlando.  Exciting, right?  We won’t make it.  We will probably stop in a few more hours.  I hope so.  I have to take a major crap.  I blame the moldy English muffins.

            After making it to the hotel, we went to a nearby Wendy’s.  The third dumbest girl I have ever met was running the front end.  Talking to her hurt my head.  Honestly, she had a stare as blank as Avril Lavine.  Speaking of annoying media, I wasn’t able to watch Spongebob because the Lame Nazi wanted to watch some cliché new wave Christmas special.  I hate my family.

             Oh well.  We are less than an hour from Florida, and only a few hours away from Orlando.  Soon, the vacation can begin.  I can’t wait to run off and do my own thing.  There is good news, at one point during my vacation, some old friends, the Franklin’s are going to be around.  It should be good seeing some familiar sane faces.

            I plan on going to the Magic Kingdom tomorrow with my parents and brother, and where ever they decide to drag me, but in a few days, I am going to split off from them.  I need some rest and relaxation.

 Lynk, Logging off.

Travel Log 003


            Well, we made it to Disney World, did a bunch of stuff, and four days later, I am logging it down.  You see, my mom decided it would be best to randomly stash my PDA away in a suitcase, not remembering which one of course, and over the past few evenings, I have not had the energy to search for it.  After looking for about a half hour tonight, I actually found her.  Yes, now you know, my PDA is a her, just like my computer.  And I must affirm, when I plug on into the other for synchronization, yes, it is hot.

            So let me see, what did I do that day?  It was the Magic Kingdom.  Yes, it is all coming back to me.

We got up early in Georgia and bee lined it straight to Orlando.  It only took a couple of hours.  After checking in we hopped on the bus and went to the Magic Kingdom.  The bus was very packed.  How packed was it?  There were more people standing than there were sitting, and I was having a hard time staying behind the yellow line of safety.  The crowded bus was only a small clue to how crowded the parks were going to be.

            We got in, fairly early I might add.  I believe we got to the Magic Kingdom right after opening.  We wandered all the way to the back in Frontier Land, and got in line for Splash Mountain.  My brother, the Dweeb, and my mom actually got on with us.  They didn’t like it.  How can anyone not enjoy Splash Mountain?  It is the perfect ride to represent that is what is Disney.  It’s a masterpiece of construction, entertainment, and thrill.  It might not be the wild, neck-snapping, contorted ride that all the cool kids think they want to ride; it is simply very enjoyable.
Following Splash Mountain, we  did the Jungle Cruise and the Pirates of the Caribean, and of course, the  Enchanted Tiki Tikie room.  The park itself is packed, but the lines aren’t all that bad.

            After that we hit up the Country Bears’ Jamboree, which of course, was Christmas themed.  In fact, just about everything at this point is Christmas themed.  The Jamboree was alright, but my brother has this way of getting excited about something and singing along, and even though it is a situation where this is acceptable, his fun is nothing but annoying to anyone around.  Perhaps it’s the way he moves and makes strange faces at people when he is having a good time.  Nonetheless, he is ridiculous.

            We managed to do a lot without wasting much time.  The new Fast Pass concept is very efficient, and walking past the rope mazes of herded people, being able to board long before each and every one of them.  Ahh, sweet Darwin.

            What else…  Oh, we went to the Hall of Presidents.  That was creepy, as always.  A robotic replica of George W. Bush was there, and he did a much better job at speaking than the real one would.  The Haunted Mansion was enjoyable as always.  At one point we “saw” a parade.  By “saw,” I mean we watched people watching some people who might have been able to get a glimpse of a parade.

            By this time, it was getting very crowded.  Idiot mindless parents pushing huge triple-decker strollers the size of SUV’s, Fat lazy old people in their electric priority wheel chairs, and moronic tourists from all across the globe making every simple task difficult.

            It’s a Small World was closed.  I think they were taking any and all stereotypes out of it.  I doubt it will ever open again.

            About the last thing we did was Mickey’s Philharmagic, which ended up breaking down while we were in line, and caused a good half hour wait.   The only moving parts in the show were the automatic doors that open up to the theater, since it is a 3D short film.  Fortunately, it was the best damn 3D show I’ve ever seen.  Trust me, it is a must see for anyone who can urinate properly.  And it’s on the world’s largest seamless projection screen.

            After that, it was about mid-afternoon.  We went to the room, and I think we tried to go eat, but every single place was booked, so we settled on the food court.

As for the whole family thing, from what I remember, I was very fed up with their pestilence at this point.

Travel Log 004


            Today was my visitation to the Animal Kingdom.  Unfortunately, the NY weather seemed to follow me, and I had to use a sweatshirt.  The new Dinosaur attractions and ride was set up.  It was still under construction four years ago, last time I was there.

            The Dinosaur ride was actually really cool.  Mostly dark, but much fun.  You can guess it was only my father and I on that one.

            The Tree of Life was impressive of course.  The construction and design is amazing.  The 3D show, “It’s Tough to Be a Bug,” was there, as it was before.  Pixar helped, so it was good.

            Then there was walking.  Walking and dealing with the parents and Randy.  There was a parrot that could sing seven complete songs.  After wandering and searching for food, I decided to go back to the hotel room for a nap.   Animal Kingdom is fun, but trust me, go see the other parks first.  You can spend an entire day  walking around Animal Kingdom and really  accomplish nothing but push through people.

            That night we went back to Magic Kingdom to eat and hit up Tomorrowland.  With reservations, we only had to wait an hour to get our table.  The buffet style dinner was fantastic, and contained such items as slow-roasted pork, samon, sushi, and a few dozen other handmade dishes.  I enjoyed it thoroughly, but as usual, nobody else did.  Then it was time for Tomorrowland  This is by far my favorite area.  I want to spend a little more time here.  I tried out the new Stitch ride.  Hilarious, and amazing.  The Animatronic detail and effects were great.  I never knew it was possible to create the exact smell of a chilly dog burp.  Robin Williams as “The Timekeeper,” is still impressive, considering the attraction came about in 2000.

            After that, the crowd and I watched the new fireworks show, “Wishes.”  It was good.  Very good.  Especially since they put the same one on every night in the Magic Kingdom.  Disney must pay a fortune for explosives.  Well, it’s probably not so much, now that they used compressed air to launch them.  Sadly, I never made it back to Tomorrowland for the People-Mover, or the Carousel of Progress.

Travel Log 005


            Welcome to Epcot.  After arriving at opening, and being greeted by Stitch and several dozen other characters, we made the way to The Land, and watched the Circle of Life.  I always enjoy presentations like this.  It’s all about giving back to the Environment, yet somehow Disney can make it somewhat moving.  Then we took a tour of Epcot’s greenhouse and plant biological labs.  Home of the World’s largest bucket of giant seven pound lemons.

            The Finding Nemo Journey under the Sea was fun.  Watching various aquatic creatures muck about is fascinating.  They had all the giant shark tanks and natural undersea artificial environments and such.  The cost of these things must be outstanding.  A new little attraction in that area was based on Finding Nemo’s Crush.  It was interactive.  While on the screen, the 3D rendered Crush moved around and acted out seamless emotions and expressions, AND the vocals were live.  Everything seemed so high res and seamless.  Somehow, Crush could see and talk to the children sitting up front.  He could ask them questions, repeat their names, and answer their questions.  Crush could also move to the side of the screen that the child was sitting on.  Amazing.  Not only that, but it was fun for the children, and they probably had no doubt that it was real.

            After that, we wandered through Canada, France, Italy, Poland, Germany, Japan, and several other countries.  We ate in France.  Pulpy orange soda and a grilled ham and cheese sandwich was my meal.  The cap on my Puply orange soda was tiny, and I couldn’t get it off.  I tried, my dad tried, I did the old napkin trick, nothing.  After trying to pry it off with a knife, I bashfully asked the waitress if she had a tool to do it.  She zoinked it from me and immediatly twisted the cap off.  It was hot.
We walked a little more.  We went to the USA in Epcot.  Kinda creepy.  Somehow, they can simulate the United States while in the United States.  I started feeling a little sick to my stomach.  After all that walking, we went back to the room, and I crashed.

Travel Log 006


            Today I did not want to wake up.

            We went to MGM Studios this morning.  I saw the Drew Kerry “Sounds Dangerous” attraction, Indiana Jones’s live action adventure, Star Tours, and the Tour of the back lot.  They picked some really good volunteers for the Indiana Jones show.  My stomach was still acting a little funny, but not as bad as yesterday.

            I hit up the gift shop at Star Tours a little more than I should have.  Oh, but it is sweet.

            We ate at my favorite place in MGM, the Sci-Fi Cafe.  Actually, there are many good places to eat at MGM.  The Sci-Fi Cafe is a lot of fun, and a really neat idea.  Basically the tables are cars and in the front of the giant dining area is a movie screen which shows short clips and commercials about vintage sci-fi.

            After a little tour of the animation gallery, I left and took a nap at the hotel.

            I am very tired.  I want to go home.  I can hardly tolerate my parents at this point.  I have scoured the four parks as much as I want to, with the exceptions of a couple rides at Magic Kingdom I’d like to do again.  Tomorrow is the last day here, and I plan on jamming out at the Disney Quest for a few hours, and then whatever.

This is Lynk, logging off.

Travel Log 007

             I went to Disney Quest as I planned, as soon as it opened at 11:30am.  Me and Randy spent several hours in this five story arcade.  The games were free, and ranged from classic Frogger, DK, Space Invaders and Tron to the newest arcade titles like Sega Rally, Outrun, Starwars Starfighter, and the latest Tekkens, to state of the art virtual reality and mech-combat-simulation.  I road the Cyberspace Mountain Rollercoaster three times, and impressed all with my two level five rides.  Piloting the mechtank in Invasion, I drove my brother and two other gunners, (one being a very cute girl) to victory.  I ranked first place in the VR game, Comix.  I fought for the lead in Outrun, but the asian kid killed me towards the end, and I ranked second.  We finished it off with cheese cake, or at least, I did, Randy doesn’t like cheesecake, the douche, and I went back to the hotel.  I was done.

After leaving Disney World the next day, we drove to Fort Lauderdale to my Uncles condo.  Nice place, nice furniture, and the weather was perfect, but I was feeling worse.  My cough was dragging me down a great deal.  We enjoyed good food courtesy of my Uncle, and for just a single guy living on his own, he had an awesome guest room and guest bathroom.
Christmas day we drove to the Beach, which was about seven minutes away.  I had some crab salad, and we wandered for a bit.  Evidently, buildings don’t last in Ft. Lauderdale.  If the hurricanes don’t take them down, bulldozers do, so they can just build new buildings over them.  The skyline completely changes every few years.  Insane.  There are many rich people living, well, owning homes in this city.
For dinner, we went to one of those digs that the asian guy comes out and cooks the meal for you at the table.  It was fun, and the food was good.  Randy, the picky eater, nearly cried when the waiter put shrimp, mushrooms, and rice on his plate.  I laughed.
Next day.  Time went by, yadda yadda, we went to the Everglades, hopped on an airboat, and did not see anything.  It was really windy which made things fun.  Oh, we saw a homeless guy sitting on a bench.  He peed.
Hmm, what else?  Ice cream, Robitussin, and ham.  We left the next morning.  We only made it halfway through Georgia.  We went to sleep.  At 3am, the journey began again.  At 8pm, we arrived home.  Honestly, I’m surprised we didn’t die when the windshield got blurry.  So here I am.  Home.
It was only about a week and a half, and I am glad to be home.  I’m never glad to be home, mind you.  It’s good to be here.
I have another Disney related article, I’ll give it to you next time.



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