Working Hard for the Monkey

The customers who casually shop at the Norwich Save Alot are not human. They are far from. Unless of course, to be human, means to be a complete waste of flesh, fat, and bone, and to emanate such an unpleasant tang that not even a pile of crap could tolerate. These masses of bio-forms use two methods of mental incentive to perform actions. One of course is primitive fundamental instinct, and the second, I like to call, ambitious grievousness.

To explain further, the first method is pretty simple. They get hungry, so they shop for food. Like all basic mammals, the main concerns are survival, and prolonging of the species. Basic conditions, such as food, shelter, and just enough of a social structure to mate with one another, are attempted to be met at all times. The ability to communicate is vaguely seen here, and although it might be very primal, it gets these creatures by. A single language is not consistent between the Shopicus Savealotithus, but many simular social traits do exist, such as grunts, groans, and a backwater-redneck-Mississippi (despite the fact that we are in upstate NY) accent. Ending words and sounds with R’s, Yaw’s, and Nrms’s are all applied. The only reason they communicate is to either gain the rights over food items or to mate. There as been much speculation that the Shopicus Savealotithus also uses its bleak communication skills to discipline their screaming, bawling, and festering children. While many agree that this is laughable, there is no hard data as of now.

The second method of mental incentive that guides all of the actions of the Shopicus Savealotithus is of course, ambitious grievousness. In short, the creature will ladder up and prioritize all of it’s needs, stack them up with the needs of all other creatures around them, shuffle the deck, stand in the way, and place their needs above the needs of other’s, as long as they can do it at anyone else’s expense. In lamemen’s terms… The Save Alot shopper will put effort into wasting your time, getting in your way, and stop at nothing to degenerate the overall morale of your day.

So listen here, you disgusting, smelly, wart-covered, mouth-breathing, aisle-blocking, bile-sucking, ass-eating excuses for worthless, braindead, imbred, buttload of assanine carpet-noodle, vegetatively mindless, shrivled up, deer-sacking, reakingly unsanitary, jellyroll infested with maggots, lepers, and a large assortment of dead woodchucks, baby mice, and weenbags, all chocked together in a stew of stolid clodhoppers, baggidy-haggidy-crappy old women, creepy men with women’s boots, the man who gets winded by putting his four canned goods on the belt, the stupid ass-clown who complained about the ever-rising price of our 89 cent tissues, the people who bag and box their groceries before they even let me ring them up, and the gOD-forsaken old lady who took a dump next to the potato chip aisle!

And here’s your receipt, have a good day!

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