Tonight is a grand night among all nights to ever exist. A night far better than any night that anyone has ever had before in their pitiful meaningless existence. Tonight is a night that stands stronger than a wall of feminists, and hopefully involves a whole lot less bitching. Tonight is a night in which the only terrorists are lowlife cell phone users. Tonight is a night where friends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, cousins, family, obligations, bowel movements and other, are not important. Tonight, not even God falling from the sky, landing on his head, and bawling his wittle eyes out before his babysitter picks him back up again, would cause even the slightest bit concern.
Tonight is when the public can watch “Star Wars, Episode III.” At long last, the series will become the completed galactic scarf that has been on the loom since long before I was born. Every single plot whole will be filled with gravel of acceptance. All questions will be answered with the truth of a thousand souls. Anakan Skywalker will cry and whine the emo loser he is, and become reborn has the omnipotent badass that is Darth Vader. It is about freakin’ time.
I hope you are all excited. For those of you who have told me that you don’t like Star Wars, you are not human. You are pitiful and lame and boring. You go on with your stupid trends, and live your life knowing that you are not really alive. Your presence on this planet is a waste of time. For those of you dressing up like Luke Skywalker… shame on you.