Chris Christie Shows Us How NOT to be a Leader

This past weekend, there was a New Jersey state-wide government shutdown. This means state parks and other facilities are closed to the public. Meanwhile, New Jersey governor Chris Christie gives us a real lesson on how NOT to be a leader.

I was going to put together a list of times that Chris Christie was an elitist douchebag, but the next season of Rick and Morty starts later this month and I was afraid I wouldn’t have time to do both. If you have more of a tolerance for that sort of thing, I encourage you to give it a Google, because this guy takes the cake.

Seriously, look at him. He takes a lot of cake.

Instead, I’m just going to talk about what he did just this past weekend, because it really reminds me how not to lead. The north east has had a couple of beautiful summer days. I contemplated skipping work today just to enjoy it, and that is saying something. For New Jersey residents, it would have been a perfect time to enjoy the local beaches.

Let me add a quick disclaimer here; until today I didn’t know New Jersey had beaches. I’m still a fairly firm believer that it can’t be called a beach if it is north of 40 degrees longitude.

Unfortunately, the government shutdown meant many of the beaches and state facilities were closed to the public. However, one ham on white was able to park himself on the sand and futz around in the sun. Governor Chris Christie was photographed chilling on the beach that nobody else could.

Beached Christie

In an event which some people (I hope) are calling a Beached Christie

Going into this, I had assumed New Jersey had some sort of climate-based phenomena that allowed for a small patch of beach to form (remember, anything north of Virginia is just pre-gaming for the Arctic Circle), but according to Christie, New Jersey has 120 miles of beaches that the public could have used. Just not the part he planted himself at – that was closed for the stinky public.

Honestly, once I discovered that, I shrugged it off. People weren’t totally deprived of beaches, they just couldn’t go to the closed state-run beaches after he ordered the shutdown of all nonessential state services. Fine. Let’s move on and let the guy have his special day.

It didn’t stop there, however. After the politician took his state-funded helicopter between Trenton and the beach, he was asked if he got any sun.

“I didn’t get any sun today.”
~Governor Chris Christie

After the photos started to crop up to prove otherwise, Christie’s spokesperson said that the governor did happen to spend some time on a beach to briefly talk to his wife before heading into the office. It was also added that Chris wasn’t lying about not getting any sun, because he was wearing a baseball cap.

Let’s skip the obvious part about the baseball cap and get technical. I’m no journalist, but I am an expert on being fat and lounging around in a chair, and I can tell you that the position Christie is in in the photographs is not one you would get into for a brief talk. Look at the way the chair is buckling underneath him, and the way his rump has jutted past the edge of the seat. In the world of competitive sitting, this is known as a classic sedentary graw. It’s a position for the long haul – difficult to slide into and stick, but even harder to come up from. It’s likely he will still be in the same position during his next white house visit, depicted below:

Chris Christie Sedentary Graw

So he used the beach that the public couldn’t, he lied about it, and carted himself around on the people’s dime. I’m still not having a huge issue. This is how it works, right? If you are that high up in the world, you do get to do a few things that maybe not everybody can, and sometimes people are going to be upset. Let me tell you where he really screwed up.

After being called out on all this stupid nonsense, Chris Christie, the governor of New Jersey, offered some advice for those who weren’t thrilled with him:

“Run for governor, and you can have a residence.”
~Governor Chris Christie

This is what really squares my breasts with this whole situation…

This really squares my breasts

It’s not elitist abuse of power and taxpayer dollars. It’s not herp-derping your privilege when thousands of state workers are furloughed. It’s brandishing your position as an excuse to be a douchebag.

I’ve always strongly felt a good leader eats last. If you are in charge of a group of people, you take care of them before you. Help solve their problems first before your own. That doesn’t mean a leader can’t have luxuries that others don’t, but as a leader you have to have tact. Chris Christie, blowhard and elitist weenbag, does not have tact.

I somehow want to segue into humble-bragging how I got my whole web support team nice telescoping backscratchers for no good reason, and everyone loves them and hot damn I’m a great guy. More backscratchers are on the way for everyone else, because if I am your leader, you… I don’t know. You get a backscratcher. Someone should come up with an inspirational quote involving leadership and backscratchers.

With that said, I’m going to end it on a high note with backpack boy.





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