Internets and Suits

The ape-descendants running this country are screwing with things again. Politicians are always up to no good, much like the no-goodnik criminal mastermind, Boris Badenov, always trying to thwart the Moose and Squirrel. This time, however, the moose and squirrel is actually the Internet.

These self-righteous politicians, like the rebel underground punks that plague society, want to press their bland, senseless views of expression into the world. In other words, they think they are hot shit, and can’t wait to kick a puppy to prove it.

The Internet, as I’m sure you are aware, is a vessel for free speech. It’s a contraption that is fundamental for today’s society. It equalizes the economy, so no longer does your location have such a huge impact on your number of product options, it’s an infinitely valuable form of communication, and an amazing way for the craftsman to show his/her wares. The chest-thumping lawgivers, of course, don’t want that. They want to regulate it. They want to put the Internet on a regular pooping schedule, but they won’t be the ones providing the fiber. They want the massive telecommunication companies to do the dirty work. What this could mean, my friends, is a “fair” deal forced upon us. If you want to have your own little corner on the Interspace, then you need to pay these companies a bit more. I admit, it doesn’t apply to most of you, since you are all too apeshit over your damn ugly MySpace accounts to pay attention to your own breathing, but it could be crippling to some. Let’s say you make your money selling hand-carved doorknobs on your own little website on the Internet. Business isn’t too bad, you are making a living, but you can’t afford too many more expenses. All of a sudden, you lose business. Why? Verizon decided not to allow your site to load as fast to it’s customers, as you have not paid them. Therefore, despite the fact that you pay for a domain name, a web host, and you pay two people to design your site and maintain the store account, you are missing out on a lot of customers who don’t want to check out your product because Verizon just slowed down your site’s download speed to below dialup.

People who do webcomics, or post their artwork online, or even just write in a blog every so often could be victims of this system, and the gatekeepers of the Internet will not feel pity. If you want more information, go to

In other news, I’m going to be around Oneonta all day tomorrow, hanging out with the Amazing Zin, and checking up on the regular crew! If it’s a nice day, don’t be afraid to follow the sound of the accordion and say hi!



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