You are all fairly lucky. The recent electrical problems my entire freakin’ town has been dealing with the past week have caused me to lose interest in my Morrowind Log series. You probably won’t get anymore of those. It’s a damn shame too, because I’ve been killing a lot of smugglers lately. Between Morrowind, Guild Wars, and Save A Lot, I have had very little time to myself.
On another note, a few interesting things have been going on.
Oh wait, we already mentioned the power outages. What’s that other thing… Oh yeah!
Ever kinda like someone? Ever spend every day for months with that person, enjoying every minute of it? Ever start to really care for said person, and long to be with them a little more often? How about this brain tickler… Ever try asking that person out officially after a wonderful and well-thought out candle-lit dinner in a privately reserved dining room at the classiest place in town with a cute construction paper card that is both sweet and romantically adorable? Now…please tell me.
Did she decide to never speak with you again for an extended period of time, only for you to find out from one of her friends that the day after your dinner date she had a brand new boyfriend, and after many months, you happen to run into her at the store and start chatting about the good times that used to be had by all, where she nonchalantly tells you that she is engaged with said guy and can’t really ever hang out with you again?
So much for friendship, so much for closure, and so much for being the nice guy. Just think, if I were to go postal, I would be the one to go to jail.
The thing is, I know it’s been a really long time. Honestly, I have been over it for almost that amount of time. It’s just the gull, she has, to do that to me. Best friends for five years, and I try the “slightly more” card, and this is what happens.
I have yet to post an entire song’s lyrics in here. This will be my first. This is Worm Quartet, and the song is “Great Idea for a Song.”
Remember when we used to hold each other close
And gaze so deeply in each others’ eyes
Remember how I said I’d never let you go
And how you swore you’d never tell me lies (You do? Well…)
All I remember is the way you nonchalantly squashed my heart just like a cockroach on the floor
All I remember is the happiness I felt the day I finally kicked your skank ass out the door
Remember when you were the best part of my life
The reason I got up to face the day
Remember how you swore you’d always stay by me
And love me for forever come what may (You do? Well…)
All I remember is the nights you’d go out drinking and I’d pray the cops would find you somewhere dead
All I remember is the way that all my dishes became airborne and flew right into my head
Now please don’t think I’m ranting cuz I’m bitter
I’ve found somebody new and I’ve moved on
But if only your name rhymed with twisted psychotic slut I’d have a great idea for a song
Remember how we used to drive down to the beach
And walk along the seashore hand in hand
Remember how we used to sit and watch the waves
And spell out our initials in the sand (You do? Well…)
All I remember is the whining and the moaning and the griping about every little thing
All I remember is how soundly I could sleep when I dreamt of your lifeless body festering
Now please don’t think that this is all just hindsight
I’ve felt this way about you for so long
And if only your name rhymed with sadistic lying bitch I’d have a great idea for a song
Oh your name…might as well Rhyme with psycho whore from south of hell
Cause of all the crap you put me through back then
Oh if only your mom and dad Had named you something that rhymed with “walking talking maxipad”
Think of all the clever tunes I could have penned
Cuz Becky rhymes with yecky
And Missy rhymes with pissy
And Susie rhymes with floozie
And Patty rhymes with fatty
Elizabeth rhymes with kiss-of-death
And Eleanor rhymes with smelly whore
And Marigold rhymes with hairy-holed
And Lauren rhymes with scorin’
Celia Linda Park rhymes with “Feel ya in the dark”
Daisy Rhoda York rhymes with “Easy ho ta pork”
Rhonda Lynn Mae Stutback rhymes with “Fondlin’ my buttcrack”
I’d pay you to change your name to Shelly Hunt
Remember when your latest hunk of throbbing meat
Had left you for a nicer piece of ass
Remember when you called me sobbing on the phone
And begged me to forgive you for your past (You do? Well…)
All I remember is that lab rats don’t push levers
After taking an electric shock or two
I’d rather duct tape a live wire to my groin
than take a death march down memory lane with you
Now please don’t think I want to be your friend now
I’d rather see John Goodman in a thong
But if only your name rhymed with back-stabbing heartless tramp I’d have a great idea for a song
Yes if only your name rhymed with manipulative conniving whore I’d have a great idea for a song
Yeah if only your name rhymed with worthless cheating worm-ridden butt-ugly bile-sucking skanky smelly slutty waste of flesh, fat, and bone that makes me want to donate my entire life savings to NASA in the hopes that someday they’ll make a time machine and I can retroactively give your parents a box of condoms…
I’d have great idea for a song
Getting married is for the weak. For the posers. In fact, relationships are for the mentally retarded. In a relationship? You are the dumbest piece of fecal matter in the boot that is life. I hope they cheat on you. They will, you know. In fact, as you read this… they just did. With the neighbor…hood. Besides, you know you are only with them because you crave attention, you selfish little twit. I hope you get devoured by Zombies.
Oh, by the way… Mr. Jones? I am as pleased as punch that you’ve been in a good mood the past week.
o0o0 someone went EMO on us today